Twistedness and Wickedness
by cerenity
Summary: This is my extremly desprate attempt to write something somewhere along hte lines of funny. so check it out and tell me what you think. who knows, you may laugh your ass off but you wont know if you dont R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Twistedness and wickedness don't mix with reality, in some cases. lol  
  
author: me  
  
rating: N/A. lol nah, its R because of the ...well you'll see why. lol  
  
disclaimer: I own nothing except for the lovely characters that came from my totally awesomely wicked mind. Other characters came form their respective owners/creators and all the other people and/or places mentioned here are not owned by me, they're either owned by themselves or the WWE owns them. EXCEPT FOR THE ODD "THINGS" IN HERE THEY ARE OWNED BY THE PEOPLE THAT MADE THEM, AND AMANDA LAND IS OWNDE BY ME  
  
distribution: ya want it? Ask. If you're lucky, I might say yes  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: THIS IS MY DESPRATE ATTEMPT TO WRITE SOMETHIN FUNNY. LOL. HOPE YOU LIKE IT EVEN THOUGH CHANCES ARE YOU WON'T FIND IT FUNNY OR WON'T UNDERSTAND IT. IN THAT CASE, BLAME ME BECAUSE ITS ALL WRITTEN OUT OF AMADNA LAND AFTER WATCHIN PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON. FYI THAT INTRODUCED ME TO AMANDA LAND. LOL. SO WATCH IT AND YOU MIGHT UNDERSTAND THIS. LOL.  
  
Summary: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NORMAL PEOPLE GO TO AMANDA LAND? hehehehehe  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
narrator: we come upon Vincent K. McMahon's office, which is hosting nine WWE Superstars and Divas, one Vince, and one shrink. No one is talking until now.  
  
Someone: .........*crickets chirp* ........*Pin drops* ........*Wind blows*  
  
narrator: DAMNT I SAID UNTIL NOW!  
  
Everyone: aflbalhflsahglkahflh  
  
narrator: ONE PERSON!  
  
Vince: okay so Dr. whatever the hell your name is. What's wrong with them?  
  
Shrink dude: well I'm not sure Mr. whatever the hell your name is. *Smirks while Vince growls* but I do know your workers don't work anymore.  
  
Vince: what do you mean they don't work anymore  
  
shrink: they don't work. That's it. They just won't work.  
  
Vince: I don't believe you.  
  
Shrink dude: fine. See that pen? Throw it at one of the superstars.  
  
Vince: *picks up pen and throws it at Matt Hardy* nothing.  
  
Shrink: told you. Try with someone else.  
  
Vince: omg Jeff, your hairs a normal color.  
  
Jeff: ..............  
  
Vince: holy crap sable your boob popped!  
  
Sable..........  
  
Vince: randy your brand new car just got ran over by Lita, and Lita, Matt wants to marry you, and Victoria you just lost your belt to a blonde molly holly and Trish you aren't babe of the year this year!  
  
Everyone:...................  
  
Shrink: see. Nothing.  
  
Vince: well what do I do now? I have 9 broken superstars.  
  
Shrink dude: there's nothing you can do. Sorry. *Walks away*  
  
Vince: crap. *Walks away then turns around and jumps in edge's face in hopes to scare him.* damn. Nothing. *Walks out of the room.*  
  
someone: *whistles Barbie girl by Aqua while passing the office* why hello. Who are you?  
  
Uh:............  
  
someone: oh I'm so dumb. That's the mirror and that's my reflection. *Giggles.* oh no! Did my lip gloss wear off?! *Runs inside the room and goes to the mirror* thank God for bras. *Pulls out lip gloss from bra and re applies it.* just like brand new *sticks it back in before turning around and noticing the nine other people in there.* Well now I know for a fact you're not my reflection. *She laughed.* Oh I'm so stupid. I haven't introduced myself yet. Hi. I'm Barbie. *She laughed as she stuck her hand out to one of the two blondes in the room.  
  
Trish:..........  
  
Barbie: okay. Hi I'm Barbie *sticks out hand to the other people  
  
other people:................  
  
Barbie: ohhhh I get it. You're playing Simon says. Okay ill be Simon since whoever was playing it stopped. Okay. Simon says, jump up and down.  
  
Everyone:..................  
  
Barbie: hmmm. Okay speak  
  
everyone.........  
  
Barbie: Simon says roll over? Play dead? Do something!  
  
Everyone:............  
  
Barbie: pooperssss! Ooooo I know! Simon says stare at me.  
  
Everyone: *stares cause that's what they've been doing*  
  
barbie:...YAY! Okay well I think I know what's wrong with you people, so now I'm going to fix you. Okay *reaches in bra and grabs lipstick, compact, perfume, cell phone and platinum visa.* I think that's it. Oh wait. I forgot some more. * Reaches in her pocket in her mini skirt and pulls out gum and cell phone, while something falls to the floor.* OOPS. Should prolly put that back* she reaches down and picks up the condom, sticking it back in her back pocket. * Okay. *She heads over to one of the walls in the office and starts to draw outlines of all of the people in the room with her lipstick. Then she walks over to them and plows a poof of powder in Trish's face, causing a pinkish see throughish Trish to appear.* Yay it worked. *Grabs the pink trish and sticks her on the wall, causing her to come alive on the wall, while her real body lies limp on the floor.* now onto everyone else.* does it to everyone else until all the bodies are on the ground and the souls are on the wall, alive.* YIPPIE!* then takes credit cards and cuts out each person.* Hello. *Smiles.*  
  
randy: who are you darlin?  
  
Barbie: I'm Barbie and I'm your tour guide for this evening.  
  
Molly: tour guide for what?  
  
Barbie: well Amanda land of course.  
  
Sable: I don't want to go! I have a doctor's appointment!  
  
Trish: and I have a photo shoot.  
  
Jeff: I have to re dye my hair.  
  
Edge: yeah well I have to go and buy more leather pants.  
  
Lita: and I need to go to the animal shelter.  
  
Matt: yeah I gotta go get some more MF'ers.  
  
Victoria: I got the woman's belt.  
  
Barbie: I need to go fuck ken.  
  
Narrator: BARBIE! You are not doing such a thing, and all you damn idiots are going with Barbie and that's final, got it?  
  
Everyone: who are you?  
  
Narrator: I'm the damn narrator. Got a problem with it?  
  
Everyone: no  
  
narrator: good. Now Barbie pop that gum in your mouth, spray your perfume, call a cab and stick everything back in your bra. Everyone else, follow Barbie to Amanda land.  
  
Everyone: o-kay.  
  
Narrator: I like being in charge. *Changes voice to announcement dude voice* ANYWAYS, BARBIE AND THE OTHERS ARE GOING TO AMANDA LAND. WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN? AND WHAT IS AMANDA LAND? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT, *switches back to regular voice* I SAID CALL THE DAMN CAB SERVICE NOT A FUCKING SERVICE BARBIE! AND JEFF WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! GIVE THAT CONDOM BACK TO BARBIE, AND TRISH, SABLE, PUT YOUR T-SHIRTS BACK ON! Ay curumba. DAMNT RANDY, DONT MAKE ME COME AFTER YOU, PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT BELONGS, YEAH YOU HEARD ME, ZIP UP THOSE DOCKERS!  
  
END OF FIRST CHAP; TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. LOL 


	2. planes, trains, and automobiles, okay ma...

CHAPTER 2  
  
narrator: *clears throat.* lets recap shall we? Okay we come upon an office full of broken wrestlers and barbie comes and says she can fix them, so she does a Marry Poppins trick by pullin shit out of her bra and making the wrestlers come to life on the wall. Now she sits in a cab, taking them to a place where they can go to Amanda land, the place that will fix them. Any questions?  
  
Matt: yeah I got a question, are there gonna be any MF'ers there?  
  
Narrator: yes  
  
edge: are there gonna be any places where I can buy leather pants?  
  
Narrator: yes  
  
sable: are there gonna be anyone there that can give me advice of my plastic surgery addiction? And also are there any street corners there?  
  
Narrator: *sighs* yes now please shut up before I get a headache.  
  
Victoria: are there any pretty lil fairies there?  
  
Narrator: o-  
  
molly: shut up Victoria! That is such a dumb question  
  
narrator: thank you  
  
molly: no problem, are there gonna be any wigs there?  
  
Narrator: omg just everyone shut up. DAMNT RANDY I TOLD YOU ONCE! PUT YOUR LIL "TOY SOLIDER" AWAY! AND JEFF GET THAT NASTY CONDOM OFF YOUR HEAD! Mr. cab driver, how long till we get there.  
  
Cab driver: I don't know. I don't know where we're going.  
  
Narrator: what do you mean you don't know where you're going.  
  
Cab driver: I don't know. Barbie didn't tell me anything so we've just been sitting here.  
  
Narrator: that's it! These idiots are never going to get too Amanda land by just sitting here. You're leaving cabby.  
  
Cab driver: not uh.  
  
Narrator: yeah huh. *Poof* hahaha he's gone.  
  
Barbie: um narrator person, how are we gonna get there now?  
  
Narrator: ummm, uhhhh. I don't know.  
  
Jeff: ill drive.  
  
Everyone: NO  
  
Jeff: geeze don't have to get emotional.  
  
Narrator: hmmmmm, ya know what? Screw the cab.  
  
Barbie: screw the cab? How do we do that? Eh *shrugs shoulders* oh well. I prefer screwing ken, but I can pretend the cab's ken.  
  
Everyone: ewwwwwww  
  
narrator: nasty lil ho tour guide. No wonder you got knocked up. Ill just poof you guys on a plane to Amanda land.  
  
Trish: nooo I don't want to be poofed.  
  
Narrator: why not?  
  
Trish: I might break a nail.  
  
Lita: oh suck it up stupid bitchy whore.  
  
Trish: why don't you make me, 1 dollar whore.  
  
Lita: I'm a stupid 1 dollar whore?! At least I'm not a Canadian dollar whore!  
  
All the guys: oooooo. That's gotta be bad for your rep.  
  
Randy: *goes up to Trish* do you have change for an American dollar?  
  
Trish: why I oughtta-  
  
narrator: *poof*  
  
randy: where did she go? I really think she was gonna give in.  
  
Narrator: *sigh* you people amaze me, I swear. *poof*  
  
Trish: ahhhhhhhhh I poofed! Omg I poofed!  
  
Narrator: no duh dipshit.  
  
Matt: so what are we gonna do now?  
  
Narrator: we're gonna poof on a plane and go to Amanda land.  
  
Everyone: okay.  
  
Barbie: can you just poof me where ken is.  
  
Narrator: no  
  
Barbie: why not?  
  
Narrator: he's screwin your mom now lets go.  
  
Barbie: okay.  
  
Narrator: *poof*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
molly: so now that were on a plane, where are we gonna go now?  
  
Narrator: I don't know. Maybe to AMANDA LAND.  
  
Jeff: hey everyone look, I'm the pilot.  
  
Narrator: Jeff get away form the cabin. You're not the pilot.  
  
Edge: if he's not the pilot then who is?  
  
Narrator: the pilots.  
  
Randy: there are no pilots!  
  
Trish and sable: omg were gonna die!  
  
Jeff: omg I need to die my hair red before we crash  
  
edge: noooooooo I still haven't gotten a pair of leather pants that are too TIGHT to wear.  
  
Victoria: ooo a birdie.  
  
Narrator: oh shit *passes out*  
  
Matt: cant we poof  
  
narrator...  
  
matt: hello?  
  
Narrator:........  
  
Lita: I think she died.  
  
Matt: well y don't you poke her and see if she's awake  
  
Lita: why don't you?!  
  
Matt: I unno  
  
randy: ill poke her!  
  
Amy: ewwwwww randy, not that kind of poke  
  
randy: damn.  
  
Jeff: is it bad if this red light flashes and the ground gets closer and closer  
  
sable: oh my god someone hit her! *turns to Trish* is my shirt to revealing?  
  
Trish: no  
  
sable: damn. when we doe I wanna look hot *adjusts shirt so even more cleavage shows.  
  
Trish: perfect  
  
sable: good  
  
Trish: I have a question. now what kind of boob jobs do you get and where do you go, cause mine have been like slowly deflating and I cant find a doctor anywhere.  
  
sable: oh well that's-  
  
molly: will you guys shut up!  
  
Matt: narrator!  
  
narrator: WHAT?!  
  
Jeff: weren't you dead?  
  
narrator: I was?  
  
Lita: yeah see: narrator: oh shit *passes out*  
  
narrator: oh shit. oh okay, well then I just woke up.  
  
edge: oh  
  
randy: hey narrator chic, um can you poof us out cause were about to crash.  
  
narrator: sure. *poof*  
  
everyone: where are we now?  
  
Barbie: we are now on a train. Hi I'm Barbie ill be your tour guide for this evening.  
  
sable: stupid skank. *rolls eyes*  
  
narrator: oh boy. *switches voice again* OKAY SO THATS THE END OF CHAPTER 2 AND I STILL DONT SEE ANY REVIEWS FROM YOU PEOPLE DAMNT! I-  
  
Jeff: reviews from who?  
  
narrator: *sighs* the people reading this dipshit.  
  
Jeff: ohhhhhh.  
  
narrator: anways. *switched voice again* REVIEW DAMNT! THAT IS ALL! TRISH WHAT THE HELL IS IN YOUR MOUTH! EWWWWW YOU DONT KNOW WHERE HES BEEN YOU NASTY whore!  
  
END OF CHAP 2. LOL 


	3. ewwww

Chapter 3  
  
narrator: okay lets do some recapness here.  
  
Jeff: okay  
  
narrator: shut up dude. Geeze, like I was saying, *clears throat* barbie took the 9 broken wwe dudes on a plane and we realized that randy is horny, trish's boobs are deflating, edge wants a pair of leather pants that are TOO TIGHT, lita secretly still loves Matt, -  
  
lita: I do?  
  
Narrator: you will  
  
lita: but I don't want to  
  
narrator: I don't care what you want  
  
lita: but-  
  
narrator: if you don't shut up right now I'm gonna make Matt kiss you  
  
lita: ewwww he's got cooties!  
  
Narrator: *sighs* Matt, you know what to do right?  
  
Matt: ewwwww I don't want to kiss her.  
  
Narrator: why not?!  
  
Lita: yeah why not?!  
  
Matt: because she's got germs!  
  
Narrator: omg you guys are too old to act like idiot preschoolers.  
  
Sable: omg we're old!  
  
Randy: she wasn't talking to you dipshit!  
  
Sable: oh good  
  
narrator: yeah don't get me started on you sable, you're BEYOND old. Anyways, if you won't kiss her Matt, then ill do something bad.  
  
Matt and Lita: what are you gonna do huh? Poof us?  
  
Narrator: no, but I will poof someone else in  
  
Lita: like who?  
  
Narrator: benoit.  
  
Lita: ewwwwww he has no teeth.  
  
Trish: gross doesn't he know how to floss.  
  
Jeff: well unlike you princess he doesn't give blow jobs so he doesn't have to worry about it.  
  
Everyone but Trish and all the girls.: ohhhhhhh  
  
lita: dude, totally cold Jeff.  
  
Jeff: oh well.  
  
Narrator: like I was saying, Lita ill poof Benoit and Matt ill poof in jazz  
  
Lita and Matt: ewwwww nonononono  
  
narrator: too late. *Poof*  
  
benoit: where the hell am I? This isn't the frozen meat locker.  
  
Narrator: hi benoit you're on a train, and the girl you love so much is standing right behind you.  
  
Benoit: lita?  
  
Narrator: yep!  
  
Lita: noooooooooo! *Runs away while benoit chases after her  
  
narrator: now onto you Matt  
  
Matt: nononon please. No  
  
narrator: yep. *Poof* jazz, what a pleasure you could make it here with us this evening.  
  
Jazz: where am I?  
  
Narrator: who cares, ill pay you a hundred bucks to make out with Matt right now.  
  
Jazz: OK. *Grabs Matt and starts to make out*  
  
everyone: ewwwwww  
  
narrator: okay we so don't need to see that  
  
Jeff: poof them in a closet! Poof them in a closet!  
  
Narrator: okay. *Poof*  
  
everyone: yay.  
  
Narrator: okay now that that's out of the way. Lets end this chapter now so you can take a break and step into reality for a minute.  
  
Edge: okay *opens train door. *  
  
Narrator: you freakin dipshited moronic blonde! I meant the readers!  
  
Edge: geeze excuse me.  
  
Narrator: retard. Anyways like I was sayin, stay tuned for the next installment of crap.  
  
Trish: how can you have an installment of crap?  
  
Narrotor: molly?  
  
Molly: yes?  
  
Narrator: please?  
  
Molly: sure! *Smacks Trish*  
  
narrator: thank you. Anyways-  
  
Victoria: ooo look at the pretty snake.  
  
Narrator: okay  
  
randy: that's not a snake Victoria: *he winks*  
  
narrator: randy!  
  
Victoria: oh well my mommy told me I shouldn't play with things if I don't know where they've been.  
  
Narrator: thank god.  
  
Trish: no but I will!  
  
Everyone: ewwwwwwww  
  
narrator: randy I said this once, now stick that thing back in your pants, and Trish, ewww! *Poof* there now you're in a straight jacket.  
  
Trish: do you think I could get this in blue, cause blue looks so better on me.  
  
Narrator: no now shut up! Geeze. Where the hells Barbie?  
  
Molly: she's screwing the dude that's driving.  
  
Narrator: what?!  
  
Molly: yep  
  
narrator: *poof* where were you?  
  
Barbie: no where.  
  
Narrator: that's it. *Poof* you're In a straight jacket now.  
  
Barbie: why?!  
  
Narrator: cause you're a skanky whore.  
  
Sable: hahaha  
  
narrator: anyways, stay tuned I guarantee your sanity will be gone by the time this is over. Bye.  
  
Jeff: bye.  
  
Narrator: dude what are you doing?  
  
Jeff: waving bye.  
  
Narrator: oh god someone shoot me now  
  
END OF THAT. LOL. MORE LATER. 


End file.
